“How the Light breaks in during times of despair.”
Shortly after the birth of my daughter Maggie, I began having serious health problems that led me on a years-long journey of visits to doctors and specialists with no real answers until 2017 when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and years later, hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. These conditions cause debilitating symptoms that come and go in flares, with no promising treatment or cure. The doctors told me I would deal with these conditions for the extent of my life, as they could only provide methods of pain management.
As crushing as my diagnosis was, things only seemed to get worse as my health problems became so frequent and serious that I eventually had to let go of my beloved career as an art teacher that I had worked and trained so hard for. Even after retiring, I was often bedridden and had little energy to give to my family and small children. I often lay depressed in bed, stripped of purpose and identity, and wondering what would happen to me in the next chapters of my life.
It was in this dark place of fear that God’s light broke in. I began to see the positives that can come with change. As I let go of mourning what I thought my life “should” be, I began to cherish every day with my family and friends more. The more I joined community message boards online, the more I realized that things could be so much worse, and I was grateful for the abilities I still had.
Although I taught art to others for over a decade, I never allowed myself time to create and develop my own artistic practice. I gave all of my time away to my job, my students, and my role as a mom and wife. This retirement provided me the opportunity to find myself as an artist again; to discover the joy and therapy that art can provide. The more I prayed and let go of my grief, the more I found hope in my new life that included deep reflection.
Being hopeful and persistent, I am able to share and empathize with others who are experiencing health problems and moments of grief by sharing what God has done for me in a time when I thought my world was too dark to find my way. I reflect on this hope each time I sit down to create. In this work, I used the symbol of the dragonfly to represent God’s light.
In various cultures, dragonflies symbolize change, especially change in the perspective of self-realization. This kind of change has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life. Dragonflies symbolize rebirth, transformation, and spiritual enlightenment. Thank you God for your creation of the dragonfly and all other symbols of your love that we see in nature.